Healing the trauma of narcissistic abuse takes courage, it requires making a decision to do what ever it takes to understand oneself and deal with worthiness wounds. It sometimes requires you to reparent yourself. especially if the narcissistic abuse was inflicted upon you by your own mother.
When I work with my clients, it takes some time to work through what attracted the narcissist to her, or what attracted her to a narcissist. Sometimes I discover that my client was raised by a narcissistic mother or father. So it makes perfect sense why when choosing a partner she would find someone with narcissistic tendencies, as it feels safe, familiar and comfortable to her. Sometimes I discover that my client is empathic, kind, and likes to please people, making her the perfect target for a narcissist. Regardless of what is uncovered, I assure her that this abuse happened to her, and not because of her!
No matter what my clients and I discover in our coaching sessions, one of the steps we work through together in the unique Narcissistic Trauma Unlocking ™ deep healing program is dealing with the trauma of narcissistic abuse at a deep cellular level, utilizing Inner Child work. Inner Child work is an approach to recognizing and healing childhood trauma. It recognizes that our behaviors as an adult stem from our experiences as a child, and it allows us to reparent ourselves provide any unmet needs, which in turn help us to recognize triggers and understand our behaviors at a deeper level.
Utilizing Somatic Belief Reprogramming ™ with my client, I guide her to listen to her inner child, to ask her what she needed the first time she felt shame, or felt not good enough, or was bullied in the playground at school. We tap into childhood memories that caused pain, and she can show up as her adult self to help reframe and reparent that incident. This process allows my client to tap into her vulnerable side in a safe place, to explore how her inner child felt, but now from the added advantage and perspective of being an adult. It allows her to reframe those experiences, and to gain a deeper understanding of why she responds today the way she does.
The key benefit of Inner Child work is the ability to develop self awareness. When we can be introspective, we can learn so much about ourselves. Not only does it allow us to understand how past traumas affect our present behaviors, but it provides a way for us to become more in control of our lives, and feel empowered again. Inner child work also increases self esteem, and compassion, not only for ourselves, but for others too.
Here are some signs that you may have an inner wounded child:
Fear of abandonment
Patterns of self sabotage
Childish outbursts or tantrums, especially saying things you don't mean
Difficulty explaining why you are upset or what it is you are feeling (alexithymia)
A harsh inner critical voice
Inability to set boundaries
Not feeling heard
Complaining that no-one understands you
Immaturity in general
If you find yourself dealing with any of these things, it may just be your inner child asking for support! Understanding how your traumatic experiences are affecting your life today can really help you become unstuck, and move forward in a healthy way! If asked, your inner child will often present the answers and start you on a path towards healing. If you need support in this area, please reach out!